i don't want you to give up on me.

because i love you.

='(

why do i care? because i do. because you are my boyfriend. i have SO much to tell you but do you even give me the chance? who are you to say that i haven been saying anything to you? who are you to say that i'm the one with secrets? because i am trying. i really am. but you. you are the one that acts all secretive. so don't tell me. cause i'm trying. are you?

because i am really scared. that you're not.

=((

and please understand, that even though i am a little angry with you when you said you never ever want to come my house again, what i am really angry about is my mum. i'm angry that she treated you this way. i am angry that she scolded you for nothing. i am angry that she did this to you when it's only your first time here. cox you deserve better. i am angry that my mum is my mum. if i were you, i would probably not want to go to my house ever again also. i understand. i know that you are angry that you got scolded for nothing. so am i. in fact, i am more angry than you. but must you be so insensitive and tell me that when i'm angry? you will only make me more angry and sad only. can you please next time, just try to know my feelings too? just try for once to understand and care about my feelings at that time too. because you really made me very sad that you don't understand and made matters worse. NO AMOUNT OF ASKING WHETHER I AM OK OR NOT WILL WORK. because all i will do is say yes. i know you are angry at that time. which is why i don't want to tell you that i am NOT ok. because i don't think you'll care or understand my problems too.

next time, when you see me having this kind of attitude again, PLEASE just HUG ME. i don't need you to say a lot or say anything even. cause all i want is a hug to know that you are there for me and that everything is going to be okay. most importantly, i need a hug to know that you actually care for me. so PLEASE. just hug me whenever i'm not ok ok? all i need is just your hug. =(

you made me feel like crap and i didn't want to go home so i went out. with kimberly. the big size girl you saw the other day. and when you knew i wasn't home, were you worried about me at all? cox i don't see any calls or sms from you and me made me feel even worse. =(( all i need to know is you care. =(((

and about wei ming. please try to understand. it's not that he is more important than you or you are nothing. in fact, i would LOVE to tell you everything. but would you listen? given that at that point of time you were still angry? because you are more DEFINATELY important than him to him. but you need to give me time to open up to you also. you must know that i know him longer than i know you and he has been there for me EVERY TIME i'm sad or need someone. he has been the one who always cheers me up whenever i have a bad day. so whenever, i feel sad or need someone to talk to, i will go to him. but to me, he is JUST A GOOD FRIEND. nothing else. nobody is more important to me than you and you know that. he cannot compare to you at all. i really hope you understand.

and about what you said.

"i've tried my best but i think we still can't work it out...but i still think out character clash"

isn't this as good as saying "let's break up now?"

do you know how i felt when i saw this? I STOPPED BREATHING. literally stopped breathing. i couldn't breathe. how could you do this to me? now? ni ren xin ma? i really just couldn't stop crying. i tell you how many times alr. ang mor not good. pls dun say anything. it will make it worse. say on the phone better.

and when i wanna talk to you on the phone and tell you everything, you wanted to go and sleep already. you didn't want to talk for long.and when i'm talking serious to you, you make fun of me. which makes me sad. but i know you are REALLY VERY tired already. so i just let it go. but i don't even know whether you really got what i say a not.