why can't you realise that whatever may seem small to you, is not to me?

why can't you realise that you have to get your facts right before you hurt me?

why can't you realise that whatever you say or do can hurt me a lot?

why can't you realise that i'm extra vulnerable with you?

why can't you realise that i love you?

='(

it sucks and it hurts. and i don't want to hurt. it's just dumb to get hurt. it is especially dumb to get hurt by a guy i've only know for less than a month. AWESOME. great. just great.


i must be the dumbest ass in the whole wide world.


i should never let my defences fall because once they do, i get hurt bad. so i should start to build my wall up again. it stupid to let my guard down. pure stupidity. but i won't let it happen again. not anymore.

i know i shouldn't be bothered. i know you've warned me of this. i know i shouldn't be feeling this way. but i am. so now shoot me. cause i feel like i'm dying anyway.

it's like i don't even know myself or what i want anymore. i mean. i am not the jealous or clingy type of person. but lately. i am becoming more and more of something that i'm not. and it's not good. it's not making me feel or look good. at all.

i don't use to care about anything at all. you can do whatever you want to do or hang out with whoever you want to hang out with. seriously? i don't really care. but nowadays. i just do. and i'm sorry if i'm clingy for details or jealous when i hear you mention the chioest girl in your class or caroline. i'm sorry but i can't help myself.

it's like i care. but i usually don't. and i would prefer that i don't. because then, i would get hurt at all.

i'm getting fucking ridiculous and i don't wanna be. i don't even know what the hell is wrong with me. and i'm sorry. really.

you're like a drug. you make me angry and sad all the time! if it were someone else, i would've left a LONG time ago. but still. i can't quit. and because of that, i'm pathetic.


FUCK. i hate how i'm feeling. i hate what i am becoming to. most importantly, i hate myself.






they say being loved is much easier than loving someone and i totally agree.

because now, even i can't love myself.