y lidat...tell me y lidat..i no basically no1 would read this blog so im going to talk to myself here..say out all my thoughts before i exploded inside. im confused, im really confused. and it's all becox of u. i tot i was over it, over u. im living my life happily with my dear dear now but he said something has changed. and what? i really dunno. i saw u again today. i tot i could face u. tot i could treat it as nth happened. but i couldn't. i really can't. the moment i saw u, the past just keeps flooding through my mind. it gets even worse when i sae u from afar. i still see the man i saw in u last time. and it fucking hurts. i dunno y. i no i shouldn't be having these thoughts about u but i just can't help myself. i jus dun understand. im happy with jeremy now..so y m i still thinking of the past and wat would happen if i didn't leave u? i really don't understand myself. i really don't. all i know is u still pulled a heartstring in my heart when i saw u today and u shouldn't. i dunno y m i allowing this and i shouldn't. i guess u still r in one corner of my heart. i refused to admit it until now. im such an asshole to be allowing myself to feel for u again. it's totally wrong. but i can't help it. ugh. im utterly disgusted with myself.

i admit, i was furious with wat u did that night. u left me feeling so dirty n unwanted but deep down, i still had feelings for u and i refused to admit it. and because of me living in denial, im in deep shit now. i dunno where to go. when u did it last time, i was angry with u, i didn't wanna stick around with u even though i still liked u because u did such a thing to me. and jeremy was around then, to make me feel loved and cared for. and that's y i went with him. im a bitch. shit. ugh.

but after 6 months being together with him, im really happy. he treats me like a princess n he sees onli me in his eyes. he really loves me...but u came around today and screwed up everything. shit. im scared, im really scared. i dunno wat to do now. im crying for u again. i tot my tears 4 u would stop but i guess they didn't. i hope u go out with u again, to see whether wat im feeling is real or not. to confirm wat im feeling. u said i was the onli 1 u ever really had feelings for and u would wait for me. is tt all true? would u really wait for me? im so fucking confused now. i just wanna dig a hole n hide myself in it. im such a bitch. RAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

`untangle me from this entwined mess.